Tag Archives: puppies

Top 5 Things You Shouldn’t Forget To Do

1- Call your grandma (or grandpa). Whether you’re talking about daisies, upcoming travels, or some crazy relative…it’s good for the soul. Life is short and being able to hear your grandparent’s voice is precious. Also, remember to save their voicemails.

2- Sing happy birthday. While the obligatory text or Facebook post is nice, there is just something fantastic about hearing your goofy friend singing that age-old tune. For me, it’s probably a flashback to my BALLIN 101 Dalmatians party circa 1991…you shoulda been there.

3- Floss. Seriously. Don’t be a gross ass.

4- Keep the tank at least 1/4 full. Worst case scenario, there’s an emergency in the middle of the night and you have to stop for fuel. Less dangerous but still awful case scenario, it’s freaking freezing and you’re running late for work…and you have to stop for fuel. Woof.

5- Love on somebody. Whether it’s your spouse, puppy, niece, or great auntie…get some QT. Ridiculous bone-crushing hugs and smooches are what life’s all about…personally, I need about three hugs a day—so consider yourself warned.

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Top 5 Ways I Say I Love You

1- I watch any sporting event for more than 15 minutes…and don’t complain about it.

2- I pick you up at the airport…and brave the godawful Newark, NJ traffic.

3- I cheerfully tolerate your dog licking/jumping on me….and don’t show that I’m dying inside.

4- I go camping/rock climbing/mountain biking…even though I would rather be watching a play in a pleasantly climate-controlled room. 

5- I attempt to cook ANYTHING…even though following recipes makes me angry. I hate being told what to do.

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Top 5 Places That Drive Me Loco

1- Home Depot- Talk about stress. It’s massive, it always takes forever, and I don’t know how anything in there works. As for me, I’ll just linger around the paint samples until it’s time to go.

2- Michael’s- I know I shouldn’t, but I judge.

3- Herald Square- The only miracle that occurs on 34th street is when you get to leave.

4- Parking Garages- To me, they’re reminiscent of a cow getting corralled into a stall…with the added thrill of a potential kidnapping.

5- Pet Smart- Because I want a puppy! And I can’t have one. Suddenly, I’m 8 years old again…

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Top 5 Ways To Stay Happy

1- GSD- As in, Get Sh&* Done. End that procrastination-based masochistic relationship with yourself and be productive, you’ll feel better for it I swear.

2- Avoid toxins- This list may or may not include over-processed food, aerosol hairspray, and your self-involved mother-in-law.

3- Ditch the Sweats- In the words of Karl Lagerfeld, “Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.” Preach it, Karl.

4- Make a weekly visit to the park- You get the chance to soak up Vitamin D and see all the goofy kids/puppies you want but can’t afford. Just don’t be creepy about it.

5- Hydrate- Take care of your skin from the inside and glow on the outside! And no, martinis don’t count.

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